Death and Dhaka’s sugar daddy culture!
By Towheed Feroze:
A young girl allegedly took her life in a plush apartment of Dhaka’s upmarket Baridhara area. As per reports, the girl, who lived there alone, was a college student while the rent of her flat was Tk. 1 lakh.
Just that information is enough to tell us of several incongruities. A girl in her early 20s who has come from outside Dhaka cannot live in one of the most expensive areas of the city unless there is a rich benefactor.
In this case, we have the name of a top industrialist who is believed to be an intermittent visitor to the flat. I am sure no other explanation is needed here but since an unnatural death has taken place an investigation will take place which will possibly open up a sub culture in urban society that has been cleverly concealed for too long.
Whether this sub culture is moral or immoral is a different question because the moral definition is absurdly rigid.
When a transgression is discussed in the public sphere there is visceral denunciation. However, plenty of things happening around us and are deemed pretty normal, may seem too shocking to discuss openly.
These issues range from the ubiquity of bars to the operation of escort women to the online chatting platforms where women often talk explicitly with men from overseas in exchange for a certain fee, usually sent beforehand via one of the several mobile cash transfer services.
The major problem with our society is that there is always a sanctimonious desperation to put up a puritanical veneer while allowing radical mindset changes to remain outside the focus.
As Bertrand Russell said: we have two kinds of moralities; one which we preach but do not practice and the other which we practice but do not preach.
The ‘other’ woman on the side: There may a total denial but the practice of having another woman living in a separate flat rented by a wealthy man is quite common. In these cases, the women in question are usually from outside Dhaka or from families which face financial hardship.
There is of course another dimension to the phenomenon which has been directly impacted by Corona induced loss of livelihood.
In the last one year, the virus has exacerbated the condition of middle and lower middle class educated families which had to rely on the income of one person. With the income source impeded/diminished, many young women even wives of such families chose to offer discreet services ensuring swift payment.
Again, I am not taking a moral stance here because faced with hardship people are forced to shed values. Ideals come second when there is no food on the table.
Did Munia come from a family which needed someone to provide a regular flow of cash?
In the TV reports we saw her relatives well aware of her relationship with the business tycoon though the age gap between them was apparent. So, it will not be incorrect to state that the family knew what was going on and had given tacit approval to the association.
A girl not out of college living in a high end flat is premise enough to trigger speculation. Why the girl was founded hanging from the ceiling is not established as yet though TV reports alluded to the uploading of photos by the girl of an iftar party, held at that apartment, which was attended by the businessman.
It’s currently believed that the photos possibly led to an argument and may have eventually compelled to girl to take her own life.
There are many possibilities here but one which comes to mind is that, possibly the girl wanted recognition of her relation which the man wanted to keep under wraps and being a young woman, Munia could not accept it and was distraught.
Courtesans in the shadows: If we go back around ten years, another model cum actress took her own life when her benefactor, another wealthy person, withdrew all his support from her when it was found that despite taking financial help from the sugar daddy, the model had fallen in love with a fellow actor.
When the privileges were taken away, the girl did not lose hope because she felt that her lover would never rebuff her,though that’s exactly what happened.
Countless women who come to Dhaka city either to pursue a life in the glamour world or for education, harbour a desire to live in the megacity with respect and comfort.
Such an aspiration is certainly natural though many of the women have the beauty but not sufficient education. In such cases, the road to riches is often through a wealthy benefactor.
The method adopted may not be completely legitimate, however, that is hardly a cause for concern.
One hopeful actress I interviewed in 2014 and mentioned in an article published at DT, went into such an understanding with a well off married man on condition that as long as he provided the monthly stipend, she would not create any hullabaloo.
In return, the man had the right to come and stay with her whenever he found the time. At one point, complications rose with the model losing the flat plus the monthly income, eventually ending up in prison.
Interestingly, when the girl was living off the businessman, she also had her relatives stay in her flat who were cognizant about the whole deal.
Approval from the families: Once more we come to the main aberration of current day society: the source or the way adopted to earn money is never under scrutiny. When parents do not ask how the money is coming or when they do not raise questions about associations that may contradict prevailing norms, they are becoming complicit in dubious actions.Those who are willing to spend will always have the companionship they desire, that is the truth.
Whether a woman wants to enter into a relationship with benefits is strictly her personal choice but since there is a dead girl who did not even cross college, society needs to be concerned.
In many unconventional relations, the women are constantly given pressure by their families to bring more money from their wealthy patrons.
Countless sisters who work in low paid positions bring conspicuously large sums of money home to help brothers and other family members. The relatives take the money silently, never asking any questions.
There is naturally a mental burden in clandestine relations which many handle quite well and carry on. Others, like Munia, fail.
Call me cynical if you will but often, large cash handed over discreetly is just the right silencing medicine for relatives when something has gone wrong.
To end here’s a question: will society follow the development of the case or forget it in the pre Eid shopping frenzy?
Towheed Feroze is a journalist and teaches at the University of Dhaka
